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Le Lily Langdon

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[22 Jul 2007|06:42pm]
[ mood | crazy ]


FRIENDS ONLY JOURNAL THIS IS!

35 comments|post comment

bored. [23 Jan 2007|11:57am]
[ mood | bored ]

I washed all my jeans today I think ill start wearing them again.I need to take a break from the creative way I dress myself.I want to do something today but I dont know what...I might go to starbucks and sketch people.school starts next week my first class is digital illustration with david ball.ive heard only good and horrible things about him.I guess hes one of those "love em or hate em" teachers.I dont feel like wearing makeup anymore and now jeans and a tee shirt sounds fine to me.go fig.hehe.
Im going to help my friends out by being an extra in a shoot on sunday so that will be a fun day.But now I need to occupy myself until then.hehe
its hillarious to me that when Im truley bored I start organizing everything.I organized the kitchen while my roomie was gone,then I organized my closet hardcore and now Im thinking of organizing again.at least I clean things and wash things when Im bored.I want to go to this cool place called scrap here in the city..well its more out by western edition.lol.anyway thats my day so far!

I want to watch the graduate.but I think ill start watching strangers with candy the season my friend bo let me borrow.:)

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I <3 you tom hanks and thanks [19 Jun 2006|10:19am]
[ mood | anxious ]

first of all id like to thank those that commented on my last entry.you have no idea what it means to me that you reached out and even just said a few words it was sweetness to me.Having a disease, any disease makes you feel isolated from the world because of it,becuase you rarley have friends or meet other people with the disease unless you are in a doctors office for check ups.Thank you again I feel blessed to have you.

Id love to marry the most normal guy in hollywood.god hes so funny damn-nit!
I love this magazine.
and god I see my katie holmes smirk.poor katie you married the wrong tom.

13 comments|post comment

woot [10 May 2006|05:59pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Im washing my underwear in the sink WOOT.I will have all my undies washed tonight.hey thats how my mom said to do it with wool-lite thats how I use to wash my leotards for ballet.

Im bummed they didnt have phliadelphia at borders.

they didnt have it at borders today.I settled for another tom hanks movie, pictures of the day will be posted later
hes wearing suspenders in the picture.theres something incredibly hot about suspenders to me.I dont know why but I love it when a man wears them.

yay for suspenders
I have a new fetish.lol
jeremy irons wears suspenders in alot of movies ive seen him in
they didnt have the terminal either:(
*sigh*
well anyway pictures tonight
Im doing laundry downstairs and in the skin.
I think ill watch apollo 13 again tonight.

6 comments|post comment

crying music makes me cherish life [09 May 2006|07:02pm]
[ mood | sad ]

holy crap
Im listening to songs from philadelphia


and i started crying.

that movie is so beautiful.

does anyone remember this scene?when tom hank's character plays maria callas's la mamma morte moving around with his hands closing his eyes, gets into the music.
to know you are going to die.god.
my mom had to hold me during this scene
sometimes I think I was more of a intense child then I realize
I was 11 when this movie came out and I remember bawling more then once in the movie.most kids I know didnt go see movies like that when they were 11.Im so glad that I had parents that realized that their kids need to see that.I tell you that is one movie my kids are going to have to sit down and watch with me.
thanks mom and dad for exposing me to the reality of the human condition through movies.for not sheltering me from subjects through history.thank you for taking me to movies like this.
Im going to thank them for it when I go home.

6 comments|post comment

CCR [01 May 2006|03:52pm]
[ mood | busy ]

holy crap
I havent listened to CCR in sooooooo fucking long
and listening to the lyrics to fortunate son
awesome, awesome man.holy crap its so true
I aint no senators son.these lyrics to me
just make me feel the way the war is going right now
I cant imagin a draft.I cant imagine if that happened
if they started calling up the young men of this world
my brother..........my mom says the first thing she would
do is send him straight to canada. I cant imagine it really
living in a world were you are offered up to fight,for wwI and II
I can see it but vietnam that must of been the straw that broke
the camels back.my mom had so many friends die in that war
or come back broken.the protests, the people that wanted love
not war.I cannot wait till the 2008 election.I want to start
going to protests.it just seems like back in the 60's there
were more of them, more youths crowding the streets burning draft
cards.I would go crazy if my brother got drafted and there was alot
of worry about that when the war in iraq first started.my brother had just
turned 18 my brother is fit and in perfect condition to fight.thats some
scary shit.I wish we had more music like the 60's did,anti war intense
and bring the people together music.
I love this song.

5 comments|post comment

carl hanratty [01 May 2006|10:48am]
[ mood | happy ]


jason needs some thick nerd glasses.one day when I have enough money(ie. when I get a job)im going to buy him some thick rimmed glasses
he would look so cute
Im glad he loves his glasses
and he has an outfit that looks very fbi
hahaha hes my carl hanratty
*dies*:)
if you havent seen catch me if you can
my favorite line is
"just be on the look out do your job and Ill buy you both a good humor bar"
all said by tom hanks doing a cute boston accent
so it sound more like
"jus be on da luk out, dooo ya jab and Ill bay ya both a good humah bah"
and then in the next scene both guys that work under him have a good humor bar
I <3 it
now off to school blah:(

5 comments|post comment

thank you doll face [30 Apr 2006|01:32pm]
[ mood | loved ]

aliceisdead

thank you for being there babe
it means the world to me to have friends like that
<3

I want tom hanks pictures:(

1 comment|post comment

take her away [29 Apr 2006|09:43pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

I listen to music when I walk, my ipod is a good friend of mine.its odd that you can know me in person, for ages and ages and never know the real me, the me thats deep inside that only comes out in writing.my true thoughts never divulged unless here....because they to insane for me to utter.I was litening to the road to perdition soundtrack,watching the sky, walking to the bus, the sky seemed more alive, grayer and thicker, the light was dim everything was moving but it feels to me like im standing still.I wanted to cry on the street, I wanted to grab someone and ask if they can see me.......if Im really here or if Im just imagining who I am.who am I?Light and dark, happy and sad, no middle ground for me. I found myself standing on the edge of the curb waiting for the number 1 bus, watching the lights,the streets seemed endless I felt like I could see the bay bridge from were I was standing though theres no way I could,like that bridge is freedom.......or something different.watching people eating,having conversations,wanting to reach in and be like them.I kept standing there, toes in black converse teetering on the brink,headlights flashing past me, zooming by, I had this sudden urge to just.........walk out into the street.I dont know how many people get those feelings, imagining your own death constantly, being stabbed, a car hitting me, jumping from a bridge,falling out of a plane, getting lost in the nothing ness that is the mind.I have a feeling I am like my mother though she wouldnt want to think it.borderline.I hide it better then her.days I feel like I could sing, like the world is in my hands and Im rocking it like a child its mine.other days Im the dirt on the shoes.......im nothing,im a blur that you pass by on the corner.Im the girl with her head down singing to herself.My mind goes......it dreams and it dreams. I want to be saved. I want to be picked up when Im down, I always have this vision of clawing cement when it gets to be this way, my finger nails ripping off to remind me of reality.Music does this to me, it gives me clarity to the emotions that are buried so deep inside.You would never think from knowing me in person that this is me......my therapist wouldnt even know.No...I am not a strong person, no I am not brave.Im watching observing, crying inside.making up stories for random people,watching people on the bus.living on the outside, dying within.and why?Im never satisfied.Im never pleased with me.If I could I would run forever, across the country.as I kid I would sit in my room and stare at myself.watch myself crying.try to understand the emotion in it.where it comes from.when depressed I recently well......3 or more years ago took on the habbit of talking to myself.even in front of those angry at me.it must of looked insane to my parents, when they told me I couldnt keep my hampster, the one thing I loved, my first pet my baby,that I had to give him away, I lost it,and it scared them, I paced around in front of them talking to myself, grabbing my hair and throwing my body around.they tried to touch me and I scrambled to the bathroom, locked the door and paced, crying, screaming to myself "you're never good enough, they will never listen, you are not good enough, they dont care, they dont care about you, you dont matter, you are nothing, you are worthless, you are a spoiled little brat, whats wrong with you, stop crying you idiot you little brat"my parents screamed for me to come out of the bathroom but for the longest time I repeated these things sitting on the toilet seat crying till I came out like a zombie staring at them, agreeing with all they said and relinquishing my baby hampster before I moved here.

I dont know why I told that story.I dont think like ive said before anyone ever sees the real me.I see people at their most depressed to be them.....the real driving internal force.what made you how you react.this is me........this is me.the dreamer, the cryer.in this moment, like so many other times I feel lost.in this huge city with a million lights mine is flickering.

3 comments|post comment

i love gray hair [10 Jan 2005|02:18pm]
[ mood | cold ]

I just need to say to all you guys out there
GRAY HAIR IS HOT
I am deeply in love with wonderful gray hair, like sean connery, billy conelly(uncle monty),count olaf, gandalf gray(and white), saruman, denathor(that man has beautiful gray and white hair)and even aragorn when he started to go gray.I wish more people would embrace age instead of trying to hide it behind face lifts and dying their hair, I want to have a long down to my waist beautiful growth of gray hair.

I love billy connelly and my mom hates me for that hahaha shes loved him since Mrs. Brown, which I havent even seen, its kinda funny to love men that your mom likes at least you can discuss their handsomeness
gray hair is beyond sexyCollapse )

23 comments|post comment

Friends Only. [18 Dec 2004|06:59pm]
[ mood | pleased ]



If you would like to be added, please leave a comment.

98 comments|post comment

love is blind [09 Dec 2004|09:15pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

i wish I were as blind as love
I wish that my eyes were nothing but buttons that could be ripped from a flesh torn coat
I wish that I was so blind as love
so Innocent and filled
so different and indifferent to the pain I feel
why is love not called haunting
or shameless
or cold
those yearning for love are faited to be eluded
I keep dreaming that love will walk into me
when I see a man with an umbrella on the street and I have none
that the rain soaked girl will be helped
but love is blind...
cut out my eyes and let me be blind
blind like love
or let me die soon and love will no longer haunt my fraigle soul

2 comments|post comment

outside in [21 Nov 2004|10:53pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

she feels nothing when she lays there
on a black couch
she cant feel the dark worn leather
the feeling of a pillow behind her head
she cant feel the space between
all she can feel is from the inside out
not the outside in
shes perfect and lovely resting on her back
the sort of pretty little thing you'd imagin in dark corners of your imagination
screaming and moaning in the darkness
parts of your dark fantasies
but not part of any sort of reality
you look at her and fear to touch her
because she cant feel you
you fear to love her
because she will push you away
how can you love something so full of fear
she wants to feel warmth
her eyes tell you so
she wants to feel love
a twitch of her hand as it reaches out to you
you are her doctor
help her
make her better
she wants to know the reality of human emotion
twist the key and make her move
make her heart beat and make her smile
save her from crying on her floor at night
questioning herself
kiss her
and then maybe....dr. kinsey dr. kinsey
she will feel from the outside in


-outside in by lily
I wrote this because Im that girl crying on the floor good things should happen to good people but so often it dosent, so often the bitch in the other room is allowed to be the happy one, while the silent girl in the other room gets smashed to peices.I wrote this poem to dr. kinsey, because I love his reserch and I want to see the new movie, I took a class on human sexuality in college and it facinated me, and alot of it depressed me.I want love
im a silly girl in a womans body laying on the floor crying her eyes out
because i cant feel from the outside in
Im inside out and torn all about
kiss me and hold me up make me work again
I dont want to be lonley anymore
I want to be loved and love back and experience all that my body is made for
maybe i was ment to be a nun

4 comments|post comment

insomnia [20 Jul 2004|02:17am]
[ mood | tired ]

Ive been laying in bed now
I need to go to bed long day of fun tomorrow
going camping with missargentinawooooo
Ill be back wensday!now for sleep
and dreaming of Hollom.
he should just kiss me or something and Id love it

this =
cute cute cute cute!
these are for subculturalgirl


<3 ya all talk to you later

24 comments|post comment

weeeeeeeeeee thank you nicole!(arnie!) [19 Jun 2004|01:15am]
[ mood | loved ]

Im being fan girlish but I am utterly In love

<333333thank you annunaki
for my new layout <33333 it hehehe she is my
arnie and makes me wonderful things now
throw me the barbells nicole!LOL
hehehe awww its so awesome you must look at it
lilypotter82
heheheheh!

silly webcam photos!
I love my new blank book;)

sooo happy
*dancing*

18 comments|post comment

I love this song [02 Jun 2004|02:12pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

Will someone please call a surgeon who can
crack my ribs and repair this broken heart that
you're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over: I will block the door
like a goalie tending the net in the third quarter
of a tied-game of rivalry
So just say how to make it right
and I swear I'll do my best to comply
Tell me am I right to think that there could be
nothing better
then making you my bride and slowly growing
old together
I feel I must interject here, you're getting carried
away, feeling sorry for youself with these
revisions and gaps in history.
So let me help you remember. I've made charts
and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave
So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling I love you so...
Tell me am I right to think that there could be
nothing better
than making you my bride and slowly growing
old together
don't you feed me lines about some idealistic
future
your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing
out the sutures
I admit that I have made mistakes and I swear
I'll never wrong you again
you've got a lure I can't deny, but you've had
your chance so say goodbye


-nothing better
by the postal service

this song so reminds me of BILL and beatrix in kill bill II

2 comments|post comment

friends cut [28 May 2004|12:51am]
[ mood | distressed ]

guess what Im doing right now. I feel that I need to do it seriously.
Its time for my:


first friends CUT ever.


comment here if you want to stay. and deleate me if you dont get me and want to let me go.


cheers.

59 comments|post comment

yep [20 May 2004|12:17am]
[ mood | bouncy ]

me and snape are going to get married
didnt you know?

10 comments|post comment

happy birthdayyyyyy my ahhhnold! [30 Apr 2004|11:26pm]
[ mood | happy ]

most happy happy birthday to the beautiful beautiful, amazing and funny nicole:)annunaki
she is most hotness:)
she is my ahhhhnold!
and I am her MARRRIA
<3 you doll face sooo fricken much!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2 comments|post comment

FUn! [06 Apr 2004|11:50pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

oh thats right!
tomorrow is slumber party 2004!
hahahah
missargentina is coming over yay!pictures will be posted:)
we must watch movies
get dressed up
all that fun stuff weeeeee

6 comments|post comment

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